EI or How to Discourage a Person From Working

I am a bum.  I have been on EI for a few months now.  Since I have no skills it is difficult to get a job with decent pay.  EI pays a little over 300 bucks a week,  and after tax a minimum wage job pays almost the same amount.  In my head it means that I am currently working for infinity dollars per hour,  and going down to ten bucks an hour is a major pay cut.  And it would mean the same amount of money.  If I could work and still get some EI then I would. 

Water Gun Taser

Here is the idea. Two waterguns, filled with salty water. Hook them up to opposite ends of a high voltage, low current source. When both streams hit the target (or each other) we get a closed loop. Fun for everyone!
BTW I think Taser should be spelled Tazer.  Zeds are way cooler.

Annexation of Haiti

I want to add Haiti as a province of Canada. I think it would be a good fit. The US has Hawaii, we need at tropical island too. The people of Haiti might even be OK with it. They could move around and get joe-jobs that were better that they could get before and we could buy up their property for really cheap, everyone wins. Mostly.